PR Tips 101: Would You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?

I have received some emails in the past that literally make me ask the sender out loud, “did you really just email me that?” Sometimes I am just shocked by the lack of common courtesy and basic etiquette I come across. My mother imparted the age old adage to me that if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all. The wedding industry is based on and around relationships. We are in an emotional business. Brides and families are preparing for a big rite of passage in their lives while planners, designers, photographers etc.. are here to help nurture and navigate this process. To be well equipped in this business to take on the daily deadlines, pressures, and emotions that can run high you need to be poised, collected, rational, and classy when you are dealing with industry vendors and your clients. Just remember that we are all human beings and no matter how entitled you feel it is never ok to berate someone via email. In addition, keep in mind that these emails can and will get passed around. My client passed me one of the most horrific emails she was sent  from a blogger who was upset that she wouldn’t advertise. I’ve had media and vendors forward me countless emails that leave me saying, “would you kiss your mother with that mouth?” (or type to her with that tone).

Let me ask you…How tempted are you to begin a professional relationship with someone who emails you asking right off the bat, “what can you do for me?” My immediate impression is that we aren’t going to be a good fit. The only thing worse is when it is coupled by statements basically saying they don’t actually need help. Planners: when inquiring brides email you one liners that say “what are your prices” without anything else- how does that make you feel? You know they are scouring for the cheapest price out there. They don’t care about what your services are and most likely they aren’t a right fit for you. It’s similar to them saying in the subject line “what can you do for me”. My thought is that with any business relationship there is an exchange of someone’s time, a product, or service which should be a mutually beneficial experience. Clients should be happy with the outcome and the vendor should be happy they are working with that client. Remember that being grateful for the opportunity to work with someone will give back to you in the long run.

Relationships should be symbiotic. Not to sound super cheesy but we are all in this together. We need to speak to others the way we would want to be spoken to and when in doubt err on the side of kindness.

You do not want someone giving you “the mom look!”june

Image found on Darla Shine’s Happy Housewives Club

xo, Leila, WeddingPR

0 responses to “PR Tips 101: Would You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?

  1. I love this! I think we could start a blog just with a all the nasty emails we’ve gotten. It would be quite entertaining!! Anyways preach on sistaaaaaaa. here we gooo!

  2. This is a great post and so true. My husband once said that we should assume that each person is already working the very hardest and doing the very best they can do. If people would stop approaching others like their time is invaluable, their bank account is over abundant, and they have no feelings their would be a lot less rude emails floating around. Let’s all treat each other like we want to be treated…hmm…. I think I’ve heard that some where before.

  3. AMEN sistah! I loved this. I just sorted through a bunch of inquiries just like that from clients. Very short and “what can you do for me”? I know everyone is busy but I am so much happer and willing to help a bride who emails me saying that they love our photography or that they enjoy our blog. It reminds me of that old saying… “You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.” So true.

  4. I so agree, it’s always good to be kind, sincere and patient!! Words are powerful, and we sometimes forget that. I know I have forgotten, and quickly turned out an email that hasn’t come across as I intended it to!
    I also do want to make a case for being tolerant of our clients, brides to be, and even other vendors. Sometimes they don’t know how to ask a questions eloquently, or don’t know exactly what you do and what you charge for it, and their first communication is a short effort to see if they can even afford you, so they don’t want to waster your time and theirs if not. Case in point, I received an email from a bride asking me what our minimum was. That’s it. Very similar to what Leila posted about, the typical ‘what do you cost ’email with no mention of what we do. However, something made me decide to be patient, so I took the time to answer nicely, explaining that everything is custom, but also taking the time to tell her what we usually start at and what our range of averages it. It turned out that 1) she is super busy, so only writes snippets of emails 2) is actually not at all only about the money and was looking for someone who had experience with high-end budgets, designs, but didn’t know how to ask 3) is actually super sweet and means well, just comes off as ‘short’ in written form. I was glad I took the time and because of this, earned a fabulous client. On the opposite I spent several hours on the phone with a bride whose ideas I loved, met with her to go into detail, only to find out that my pricing was way to high for her. I ended up feeling like I wasted a lot of my time

    Having been trained & worked as a psychologist, I’ve learned that not everyone communicates the way we want to hear things. Joe likes to be short and to the point while Beth likes to spell everything out. Susan is short and concise with vendors and peers, but very detailed and drawn out with clients. While wedding planner A doesn’t just want a one-line email about price, wedding planner B might be annoyed by a 3 page email about everything the client wants, when all they really want to know is whether they can afford you or not. We tend to read the written word (email or letter) in our voice, versus trying to figure out how every individual person tried to communicate (which, yes, would take a lot more time!!) So, sometimes HOW we read things says a lot about us (we’re stressed that day, too busy, distracted) than what that person was actually trying to communicate. Be wary of anything that has a lot of exclamation points our bold :), but if it is something that doesn’t elaborate, give them the benefit of the doubt. I have a feeling that those people tare considered really good communicators do a lot to figure out how each person they interact with wants to be communicated with, and adapt their communication style accordingly, but this is a stretch for most of us on a daily basis. I know it is for me.

    I’ve been on that other side too. When I first twittered Leila , I sent a short tweet to tell her what I was looking for and what I was not, because I assumed she was super busy & it would be helpful to be concise, versus sending a long letter about what I was looking for. (Some people don’t know what they are looking for by the way.) She came recommended, and so my attempt was to put myself out there to see if what she does in the scope of her business would help me – I wasn’t sure exactly what she did (PR only? Branding? everything?), but it seemed like maybe we’d be a good fit. I figured by being short and concise, it would be helpful to her, and she could tell me how she could help me best – after all, she is the expert at what she does, just like I’m the expert of what I offer to my clients. Unfortunately, my short tweet came across as “What can you do for me?” and we didn’t connected. Lesson learned – don’t let your fist communication be a tweet, and be concise, but not overly so, as to seem short. I am disappointed that my effort at communicating didn’t come across well, but I learned something out of it!

    Obviously all this doesn’t apply to those being rude or complaining about pricing, etc, but in general,I think the coin has both sides: hopefully our clients will learn to always treat us with respect, and find a way to get a message across exactly how we want to hear it, so that it’s easy for us to figure out what they want and whether they are a good fit. We work superhard and don’t always have time to get back to everyone we think they aren’t a good fit for our style/price range/personality. I challenge you however, to treat them as you want to be treated – with just as much patience, tolerance and respect. They are after all, interested in hiring your company, your business, for one of the most important days of their lives, and they don’t do this every day. Maybe they are just price shopping, and it ends up a waste of our time. To shorten your trouble, have a short email snippet ready for those types of emails – cut and paste, something just as concise, but informative. Something like “Our pricing is custom, please call our asst at your convenience,” or give out a minimum if you want to screen clients that way. They may just turn out to be a fabulous client that brings you great business, lets you be creative, and brings your business to a whole new level. You’ll never know if you don’t try. I have to remind myself every day, but I’ve gained a lot from it!

  5. I agree with you on this Daniela (bella design) and I do think that sometimes first impressions are not always 100% accurate!! We do read things differently based on what kind of day we are having and outside factors- so true ( prob was the case when you first contacted me 🙂 All in all though you have some great insight to this. Thanks so much for taking the time to write all of that and for sharing!! I do appreciate it (as do many of the readers too im sure)

  6. The only thing I have to add is that when I bride emails and only asks for prices without asking about services doesn’t necessairly mean they are only “scouring for the cheapest price out there” . . . they are probably just trying to not waist time (their own and yours). If you are out of their price range from the very beginning, why does it matter what servies you perform? Maybe because I am an accountant I see how someone may feel about getting excited about something and then realizing they can’t afford it. How do you think that makes them feel?? The way that a bride emails you may hurt your feelings, but I don’t think that is what they are trying to do . . . they are just trying to get the wedding they want for what they can afford. And on that same note, I don’t know why planners, photographers, etc don’t list prices on their websites. They proabably wouldn’t get these “rude” emails if they were upfront from the beginning.

    Anyway . . . either way, I do agree that people put some “amazing” things in emails . . . and it is not only in your profession. I have had people decide to say incredibly rude things to me in an email, sometimes not intentionally, (but also decide to attach my manager to the note before they sent it) . . . very fun to say the least.

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